


the dark in me (has now seen the day)

by stormss



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Developing Relationship, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Speculation, this is soft because i can't write anything else, yearning!!! communicating like adults!!! falling in love!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:46:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22566505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stormss/pseuds/stormss
Summary: TK doesn't know how to admit to himself that it's okay to fall in love again.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes (9-1-1 Lone Star)/TK Strand, Owen Strand & TK Strand
Comments: 34
Kudos: 402
Collections: 9-1-1 Lone Star ▶ Carlos Reyes / Tyler Kennedy "TK" Strand





	the dark in me (has now seen the day)

**Author's Note:**

> so i don't typically write fic for shows that are so new, and though it's slightly unnerving i couldn't get this idea out of my head, so here we are!! completely inspired by [this promo pic ](https://66.media.tumblr.com/0130bd9a889f42ed11e25b614a980010/673ea33e824c809d-17/s400x600/472061321c302ac2ef2b7dbf7e848a29673208c9.png) for 1x05. 
> 
> the title comes from _untitled_ by matt corby.

TK comes downstairs to find his father staring into the hallway mirror, though his eyes look blank. 

Ever since he's found out about the diagnosis, he's tried to make it clear that he'll do anything for his dad — which, considering how close they were already, was sort of a given — and as much as he tries to keep a positive vibe around the house and at work, neither he or the crew can control what goes on in Owen Strand's mind. As TK tucks the chain he always wears under the neckline of his button-down, the pendant against his sternum, he reaches over and touches his father's shoulder with a gentle hand. 

"Dad? You okay?" TK tries to keep his voice steady, and watches his father's expression in their reflection as he blinks twice, and meets TK's eyes. 

Owen clears his throat, and plasters his trademark smile on his face. "Of course. Just lamenting over my poor hairline." 

"Right," TK says, forcing out a small huff of a laugh to try and match his father's attempt at keeping things between them light. He sees the circles under his father's eyes, though, and the thinness of his face. TK rubs at the back of his neck. "When's your next appointment, again?" 

His dad draws the line at TK coming with him to his chemo appointments; something about saving one last thing about his treatment to himself. But TK likes knowing in advance so he can try and do something nice for his dad — whether it's asking Marjan or Mateo to cover the last hour or two of his shift so he can take his dad for a bite to eat, or maybe tracking down some of the herbal tea his dad loves, or hounding Paul to teach him some basic comfort dishes within his skill level — to take the edge off the discomfort of the hours spent at the hospital. 

"Tuesday," Owen says, glancing once more in the mirror before leaning against the decorative chest bolted against the wall, standing hip-height and holding a framed photo of the two of them, TK barely ten as he grinned to the camera because his dad let him skip school so they could go to Coney Island for the day. TK reaches around his father and digs into the ceramic bowl painted navy blue that holds their keys; he tucks his into his pocket, and takes the chance to use the mirror and run fingers through his hair. 

TK looks again at his father, who has begun coughing into the crook of his arm. He swallows and tries to hide the worry in his eyes, knowing it would just stress his father out more. TK touches his dad's shoulder again, rubbing what he hopes are soothing circles into the muscle there. 

After a moment, TK abruptly says, "Hey, why don't I cancel tonight? We can hang out, maybe watch a movie or something." 

Sure, he's been looking forward to seeing Carlos, especially since their opposite shifts have kept them apart over the past couple of days, and they finally happen to share a night off. Carlos had asked him to come to his place for what he insisted would be a casual dinner. TK was adamant that he still wasn't ready to let himself be vulnerable, again; he wasn't ready to jump into anything serious, but Carlos was warm and funny and understanding, and TK found it easy to just talk to the other man with no hesitation. Carlos doesn't push him, but he can take his shit and throw it right back at him. And so TK decides that he can do dinner. He could probably start doing more dinners, and he tries not to let that skip of his heart scare him out of that thought. 

So he doesn't _really_ want to cancel on Carlos, but he'd do it in a second if his dad went along with his idea. Carlos would understand, he hopes _(he knows)_. It's just — his dad needs him, he can't just —

"TK?" His dad says, pulling him away from his thoughts. When TK raises his eyebrows at him, Owen just makes a face. "Don't be stupid. You're going out, and having fun, and not thinking about your poor old dad for one night." 

TK's mouth twists up in a smile. "You're sure?" 

"One hundred percent," Owen says, bringing him in for a quick hug. And then he gets that look in his eyes and TK starts to dread what's coming. "So, this guy you're seeing is...?"

"Carlos," TK replies, and he tries to qualm the excited energy that passes over him at even the act of saying his name out loud. _Christ, he's got to get this thing under control._

"Oh, Officer Reyes," Owen nods approvingly, watching as TK pulls on his shoes. "He seems like a good guy." 

" _Dad_ —" 

"What? The team and I have seen you two at the bar a couple times, that's all." Owen says, crossing his arms over his chest. "Is it serious?" 

TK shrugs, though his mind starts racing. "We've...hung out a couple times. We're seeing where it goes, dad, I don't know if I'm ready for much else. It's just dinner." 

Owen gives him a knowing look. TK sighs. He wants to open up to his dad and tell him about how Carlos was so unexpected. He wants to tell his dad that he has this way of seeing right through him, and they've known each other for two moths and already feel in synch. There's that numbness that just clouds over him and being with the team and being with Carlos seem to be the only sparks of light he feels, but he doesn't want to let himself get hurt again — and he doesn't want to bring Carlos down with him. 

His dad clears his throat, and TK meets his eyes. There's a smile pulling at Owen's mouth, and TK feels himself mirroring his dad. The air is light again, a sense of familiarity settling over them both. 

"Well, have fun," Owen says, before TK can change his mind and try to offer to cancel his plans again. "Do I have to tell you to be safe at this age?" 

His father's tone is teasing, and TK kind of wants to die.

"I love you dad!" He says too loudly, trying to ignore where the conversation is heading. "Don't wait up!" 

His father tells him he loves him back and tells him, again, to have fun. TK shakes his head and it echoes through his mind, pushing thoughts of chemotherapy and his father's greying lungs to the back of his mind. He heads to the end of the driveway and waits for his Uber. 

* * *

Carlos greets him at the door, smile bright and wide as always, and they succumb to their apparent tradition of making out while pressed against the wall in Carlos' foyer when TK takes in the way the green of the man's shirt makes his eyes pop, and he just has to kiss him. It's gentler than their first hook-up; his back hits the wall and he feels bracketed in by the tall, broad, hard line of Carlos' entire body, but he's comforted by it. He feels gentle fingers against his jaw, and his own hands fall down from the other man's shoulders to his sides. Carlos' hand comes up to cradle the back of his head, and TK can't help but to smile into the kiss.

"Hey," he says, breathless, hands falling from where they'd curled into Carlos' shirt by his ribs, lured away by the smell of dinner cooking. 

Carlos gently presses his forehead to TK's, thumb smoothing over the jut of his jaw. "Hey yourself." 

"It smells amazing," TK says, being lead to the dining table as Carlos mirrors what he did last time; he pulls out the chair for TK and everything, offering him an ice-cold glass of water. TK has to remember to breathe as he watches Carlos move around the kitchen. 

"Family recipe," Carlos replies, as he sets their plates out in front of them. The candlelight illuminates the room in a golden glow, and they clink their glasses before digging in. TK finds himself more caught up in Carlos' childhood stories rather than the meal, watching him with a warmth spreading through his chest as the other man talks with his hands and uses his adorably expressive eyebrows. 

"So wait, you have four siblings?" 

Carlos grins. "Three sisters and a baby brother."

"I can't even imagine having that many people around in the same house growing up," TK says, though he starts thinking about the family he's found at the station and can kind of picture it.

"It's not so bad," Carlos says, wiping his hands. "We fought sometimes, because we were pretty close in age. But that's just what siblings do, you know? All of us were there for each other then, and still are now." 

TK smiles a bit, imagining a baby Carlos running around, all unruly curls, trying to keep up with slightly older sisters. "And that kind of fed your desire to be a cop, then? To protect people?" 

"Exactly." Carlos says, resting his chin on top of his fist. "So it was just you growing up? No siblings?" 

"Just me, mom and dad," TK nods, scooping up some chicken and rice on his fork. "Then, uh, then my mom left when I was nine. My step-mom left when I was fifteen. It's been me and my dad ever since." 

He chews silently for a moment, caught up again in the thought of his dad. He's been trying to do everything in his power for his dad and there's something nagging at the back of his mind that it isn't enough, that there isn't anything he can really do. TK puts his fork down and runs a hand down his face. He hears chair legs scraping against the floor across from him, and in the time it takes him to blink out the burning behind his eyes, there's a pair of arms around his shoulders. 

It feels like it should be crossing a line. It feels like it goes beyond casual. But TK sinks into the touch, and lets his eyes close for a moment as he allows himself to feel grounded in Carlos' embrace. A warm comfort seeps through his body from the other man's touch, and TK lets out a small sigh. Carlos noses along his jaw and his words are mostly muttered against his skin as he whispers, "It's going to be okay. Your dad's going to be okay." 

TK brings a hand up to curl lightly around Carlos' forearm. "I've been trying not to think about it. He told me everything about his diagnosis and that his doctors are hopeful but I can't help but to think that he's —"

He bites on the bottom of his lip and presses the side of his head gently against Carlos'. TK takes a sharp breath and continues. "I can't stop thinking that I'm not doing enough." 

" _Hey_ ," Carlos says, voice barely above a whisper. And he's so fucking earnest, it's impossible not to feel enveloped in what he's saying. "You can't think like that, Ty. He's going to push through and he's going to be around for a long time. I see how much you do for him, and I'm sure your crew does, too. You can't beat yourself up over this, because you guys need each other." 

TK smiles and rubs circles into Carlos' skin with his thumb. "You're a really good hugger, you know that?" 

Carlos just squeezes him tighter and TK laughs, before he pulls him down for a kiss. 

"Thank you," TK whispers, meeting Carlos' eyes as he slips back into his own seat. "I'm—I'm sorry, this was supposed to be a nice night, and—" 

"No, hey," Carlos reaches across the table and they link fingers. TK bites on the inside of his cheek. "I just want to get to know you. This is part of that, right?" 

Carlos' eyes are steady on TK, looking so open and vulnerable and concerned and TK feels his heart betray him by picking up rapidly in his chest. He doesn't know how to admit to himself that it's okay to fall in love again. He doesn't know if this even counts. There are still too many walls he can't imagine breaking down. He doesn't know if he can _handle it_ again, but part of him tells him that he sure as hell wants to try. 

* * *

As the night goes on, TK feels the magnetic pull to be closer to Carlos, and he tries to tell himself that he can allow himself these small moments without having to worry about what it all means. They hang out for a while, and there's no expectations, and there's a relief in being able to vent about the shit that happens at work while knowing that Carlos understands it all on a deep level. It just feels right. TK realizes it's nearly midnight and he knows that he has a shift bright and early, but part of him dreads having to leave. 

He gets up and straightens out his shirt, nervously running a hand through his hair. He roughly clears his throat and meets the other man's eyes. "Carlos." 

With the corner of his mouth quirking up, Carlos raises his eyebrows. " _Tyler._ " 

TK opens his mouth to speak and nothing comes out; he just cocks his head to the side and presses his lips together, but he can feel his smile breaking through. He should hate that Carlos knows this _thing_ about him that few actually do, but he finds that he likes hearing his name coming out of the other man's mouth. Carlos lets out a laugh and TK feels like he would do anything to keep hearing that noise. "Thank you, for tonight. I had a lot of fun."

"We could do it again sometime?" Carlos asks, and TK nods a little too quickly for casual. 

Carlos offers to drive him home to save the need for another Uber; TK accepts and they head out to the man's car. It's a fairly quick drive and when they pull up to the curb outside he and his dad's shared place, TK's foot moves nervously, his knee jerking up and down. When Carlos glances over at him, TK briefly thinks, _fuck it,_ and reaches over the gearshift to kiss the other man. A hand gently cups his face and TK languishes in how it isn't desperate or forceful, and he feels like he could just sit here forever and do this. Carlos pulls away first to breathe, and there's a slight pinkness to his cheeks, and TK's chest flares up like it does before he's about to walk into a burning building. 

He bites back a stupid smile and opens the car door. "I'll text you?" 

"Yeah, okay," Carlos says, through a shameless smile. 

The thought of admitting these feelings sitting heavy atop his ribs is terrifying and he doesn't know how long it'll take for him to feel safe enough to risk being vulnerable again. But he looks over his shoulder and Carlos waves once more before pulling away, and he feels comforted by the fact that he has someone like Carlos in his corner, and TK allows himself to feel the warmth flooding through him, and tells himself it's okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!!


End file.
